Late-night's prominent entertainers spent the evening ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa initiative, called the "Trump card," describing it as a obvious cash-for-residency system for the affluent.
Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas tune about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... spoils each thing he touches."
The focus was the controversial plan that allows overseas nationals to purchase U.S. legal status for a sum of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" version for 5 million. An official website guarantees approval "faster than ever."
"A quick note here to affluent immigrants: prior to you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.
He pointed out that the scheme is also intended to "get cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, with hefty costs. "That is a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.
"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals truly are eligible to be in America."
"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."
"This is a card that will permit wealthy foreigners to live here," he explained. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choice."
"Maybe it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.
Kimmel teased the brevity of the application, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."
"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."
Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping approval numbers amid economic anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he said.
This week, in a attempt to tackle prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted peculiarly to some cereal.
"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."
"He's so extremely weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"
Meyers concluded by targeting conservative media arguments of Trump's economic record. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.
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